There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize