wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
