I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
