remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
