Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
