Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
