Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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