When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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