What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
