Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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