we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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