sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
is it fun? or sober?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
