So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's the barista slut.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
