my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
