tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
