Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
