Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize