someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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