I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think I died a long time ago.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
