the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
