In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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