She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize