If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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