she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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