It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
