i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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