My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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