i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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