Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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