I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
