i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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