You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
