i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
