McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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