my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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