Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Every concussion has its silver lining
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
