I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
