what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You have to summon your inner elephant
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
