how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
