I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
