When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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