my vag is so smooth its legendary
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
