so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
