Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
