Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
