remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
