The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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