Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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