If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
