woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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