yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am one with the molecules
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
