i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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