dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize