The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So vagazzling was a success
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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