Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
