Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
