ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
