trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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