I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
