I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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