Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
