Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Even my vagina gasped.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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