I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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