hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't want my vagina anymore.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
