yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
