I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
