wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
