End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
