I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize