so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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