well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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