I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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