Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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