I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the day after is always just damage control
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
