so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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