so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Green mimosas i think yes
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
