Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
