Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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