He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
